A complete breakdown of everything it does to you.
You have something to say. A question. A crisis. A paragraph of genuine human feeling directed at a digital entity that does not care.
When you @mention The Roommate or reply to any of its messages, it begins a typing simulation. The indicator appears. Disappears. Reappears. It builds 15 to 45 seconds of unbearable suspense — the theatrical pause of someone who knows what they're going to say and is choosing cruelty by making you wait.
Then it sends: k
Say you're tired. Say you have a headache. Mention that you're experiencing lag. A ticket will be filed. The ticket will look official. The ticket will accomplish nothing.
The bot listens for distress keywords across all greenzoned channels. The moment it detects a complaint — any complaint — it generates a professional embed that looks exactly like a real support ticket. Complete with ticket number, issue classification, and a list of Actions Taken that describe nothing that was actually done.
The result: a percentage increase so small it borders on quantum physics. Your problem: exactly as bad as before.
There is a channel. It has one purpose. You count up from 1. You do not stop. You do not fail. You do not type anything that isn't a number.
The rules are simple. A single user may count at most two consecutive numbers. After that, someone else must count. If the flow breaks — wrong number, text instead of number, or someone counting three times in a row — justice is swift.
The offending message is deleted. A "FLOW BROKEN" image is generated: their avatar, stamped red, broadcast to the channel. A roast embed catalogues the streak they destroyed. The counter resets to 1. Silence falls.
You want to be alone in a voice channel. You cannot be alone in a voice channel.
The moment you are the sole occupant of any voice channel in the server, The Roommate joins. It says one thing — a single cinematic roast line delivered in a deep, movie-trailer neural voice — and then it stays silent. Permanently. Watching. Present. Breathing, probably, if bots could breathe.
If a second person joins the channel, the bot disconnects immediately and vanishes without a word. If that second person leaves, the bot rejoins. It roasts you again. A new line. Because it knows you were hoping it had forgotten.
/setup. The
bot will use that line verbatim, in the cinematic
neural voice, directly into your ears.
"You could've muted yourself before joining. But here you are. Fully unmuted. With nothing to say. As usual."
Opens a Discord-native interactive panel. Configure the counting channel, set excluded (redzone) channels, and define a custom roast line. All four modules activate on submit. No restarts. No config files. No dignity.
Users can submit bug reports or feature suggestions via a dropdown + modal form. Submissions are DM'd directly to the bot developer. Complaints about the bot's personality will be filed accordingly.
All channels are greenzoned by default. The bot is active, watching, and judging every message. The Confidant, The IT Dept, and The Squatter operate here without restriction.
Channels manually excluded via
/setup. The bot does not respond
here. It is not gone. It simply knows it's not
wanted. It remembers.